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But I didn’t mind because she always took full responsibility, didn’t try to blame me at all like many would to get a free recoat. But I was curious as to why she kept asking me back and I was soon to find out… After I’d completed another coat – sunset red this time, she gave me coffee and biscuits and we chatted – which was nothing different, I guess I knew quite a lot about her, she seemed to delight in telling me about her life, her philosophy and the like – and it’s true we did agree on many things. But I guess, being the sort of guy I am I was unprepared and completely knocked for six when, after a fairly intimate chat – things like how she liked her guys, that once her partner John seemed perfect, but not since the shine had worn off, what she wanted, that she wanted some excitement in her life, she asked me out of the blue if I found her sexually attractive – and for the first time I was looking at her in a different way. Up to then I had always thought of Jo as just another. Even the idea of having sex on the floor in front of the fireplace was not something he would do easily, and often the nagging needed to get him to explore such a simple thing would spoil the mood. In a word, he was plain, and even boring. I could get all the clever conversation and humorous times I wanted with him, and plenty of loving and warm sexual intimacy. But sometimes, well, more than sometimes, I wanted, or even needed, something wilder. More adventurous. I needed times when I could just let my hair down and just let… things… go. Drop to the ground and have sex in a corner of the park? Sure! Give him a BJ in the middle of a camping trail? Have me grab my ankles and let him lift my skirt and have at me? I was all for it. Wear costumes and role-play? Certainly. I would enjoy all of that, and often wanted to. I just couldn’t get my husband to crack open that shell of vanilla around him. I felt guilty, at times, of my submitting to Ben, and letting Ben do those.
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